A Youtuber I’d never heard of and his wife went insanely viral yesterday. By insanely viral, I mean, I went from having never heard of them to having them as the subject of ¾ of my X feed.
They went viral because they were halfway through a pregnancy, got the results of an amniocentesis that told them their child had Down Syndrome and they aborted him for it. They put it all up as content and were shocked by the outrage that ensued.
In the post that went viral, the Youtuber said “I signed up to be a parent, come what may… but I just didn’t fully understand what Down Syndrome entailed.” He then detailed some of the more serious medical issues that can come with Down Syndrome, while not mentioning at all that the expression of the condition varies widely. Yes, there are some with Down Syndrome that can have serious health issues but there are some in which the condition presents itself mildly with lots of variation in between. So, his statement that “Down Syndrome isn’t a ‘blessing’, it is objectively shitty from a health perspective” is not entirely accurate. I’m also suspicious that that is his materialistic interpretation of what he’d been told. People probably said that children with Down Syndrome are a “blessing,” not the actual condition. But since he seems to define a child with Downs Syndrome entirely by their condition, I can see where he might make that misinterpretation.
He then opines that the condition is rough for the child, the family and that more than likely, the child will be dependent on others for the rest of their life. He also mentions that 50% of these pregnancies end in miscarriage, claiming that would put his wife at further risk. Further risk for what? For something that might happen to her body if the baby died naturally? How would an abortion not incur at least the same risk? A natural miscarriage is a lot easier on the body than an artificial termination of the pregnancy via second trimester abortion. It would certainly be easier on the baby – if we’re going to entertain the Youtuber’s claim that the baby’s comfort was part of this decision.
The Youtuber then brought up that 90% of women pregnant with a baby diagnosed with Downs Syndrome terminate the pregnancy. He was amazed the number was so high and believes most people keep these terminations a secret because “it feels shameful.” Perhaps it “feels shameful” because it is shameful. People are terminating their babies because the babies are disabled. Just because a lot of people are doing something, doesn’t make it the right thing to do. Saint Augustine said, “Right is right, even if no one is doing it. Wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it.” A parent should not make decisions based on consensus.
He then ends the post saying, “we made a difficult decision that we believe in the long-run will be beneficial for our family.” And then says they are excited that a future pregnancy will “have a better outcome.” Wow. What a cold and chilling thing to say about the termination of a child because he had the nerve to be made with an extra chromosome.
In the video of what people online are calling the “unboxing” of the amniocentesis results, the mother tearfully moans, “I was ready!” and “I have to start all over again!” as if they’d just found out the baby had died. Bear in mind that the child is still alive and growing in her womb at this point (In theory. It’s online content so who knows what of it is real?). Though the father said they’d have to talk with counselors and make some hard decisions, etc, it was pretty obvious the decision had been made.
As one can imagine after reading such a post and watching such a video, there was some outraged pushback. So, the Youtuber put up another post. It began with: “I’ve never seen such hate and vitriol for two people grieving the loss of their unborn child.” As if the hate and vitriol was over their grieving and not their decision to cause “the loss of their unborn child.”
I should probably bring up a couple of salient bits of information in order for the reader to better understand the alleged “hate and vitriol” being leveled at this couple. The first bit is that this couple had been documenting this pregnancy for clicks. The pregnancy and abortion were monetized.
The second bit of information that had people extra up in arms was the fact that this couple had a disabled dog they’d spend tons of money keeping alive and had, of course, documented it for all the world to see. The father was offended that the disabled dog was brought up. He stated, “Seeing my 6-year-old dog with Stage 4 kidney disease to be used as a weapon” without acknowledging that his own flesh and blood was not even allowed the dignity of being born, never mind making it to six years old!
“To marvel at the depravity of people online” he said un-ironically. This, from a man that killed his baby for being disabled and posted it online.
“Many of the people throwing stones don’t even have children, let alone one with a condition and most likely will never do the things they say they’re going to do.” From what I could tell, almost none of that statement was true. In fact, his comments were filled with families sharing photos of their beautiful children (and other family members) with Downs Syndrome, stories of parents with other kinds of disabled children and all the good the children had brought into their lives, people who haven’t been able to have their own children and who would have adopted theirs and yes, a few telling them they were going to hell.
I think, instead, his assumption that those admonishing him and his wife would “most likely never do the things they say they’re going to do” is more likely a projection in that it’s exactly what he did. He wrote “I signed on to be a parent, come what may” but when the may had come, he didn’t come through. I’m sure it would be uncomfortable for him to envision men out there that would stand by their children, “come what may.”
He said he was shocked most that “A couple’s abortion is suddenly newsworthy in 2026.” I know he meant that it was shocking to him that abortion is still a big deal and not just an everyday thing that couples do to engineer “perfect” families, like he thinks it should be. But I, too, was shocked by the viral response. And was heartened by it! It warmed my heart to see so many come out in defense of disabled babies and their right to live. “The reason this blew up is quite simple: IT’S BECAUSE NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT.”
I agree, and for this reason I am glad they made the insane decision to post this thing that absolutely should not have been posted for public consumption. Whether or not, as a society, we are going to sanction terminating babies because they are disabled should definitely be discussed and debated. Sunlight is the best disinfectant and this genocide of the Downs Syndrome community has been going on in the shadows for far too long. Even the Youtuber was shocked to learn that 90% of these pregnancies end in termination. Think of all the people now, because of this viral story, finding out about that disturbing statistic.
“I didn’t want to bury my son,” the Youtuber told TMZ. He appeared on the tabloid network after the backlash to provide further excuses for what they’d done. So instead of burying his son, he had him thrown out with medical waste or sold off for parts for medical research.
All the discussion about whether or not disabled people are worthy of life has been very heavy on my heart. I have a disabled child. I am living the life this couple gave up by giving up their disabled child. I once saw an X user named Dutch Uncle post there is a deeply embedded code that only unlocks when you have children. That code unlocks other aspects of life which don’t exist unless you have a child to unlock it and you don’t know what you’re missing unless you’ve unlocked the code. I would add having a disabled child is like an expansion pack for the child code. It enlarges that new and unknown world so much further.
It’s not easy. We have had to fundamentally change our lives in many ways to accommodate our daughter. But just because it hasn’t been easy doesn’t mean it’s been bad. In fact, many of the changes have really turned out to be very good.
For instance, my daughter likes to run off (called eloping). She also lacks an awareness of danger, such as the possibility of getting hit by a car when she runs across a street. In order to keep up with her as she gets older and faster, I had to get back into shape and started running again. I also started to lift weights because she likes to run to the end of our long backyard at the end of each night and she’ll wait there until I come to get her and carry her to the house on my back. She also jumps in my arms or on my back whenever there are strange chickens, dogs or cats around. At some family gatherings with dogs in attendance, my husband and I have spent hours trading her back and forth on our backs. Strength training allows me to keep picking her up, even as she grows. I am now probably in the best shape of my life. I know I’m the strongest I’ve ever been.
And really, pretty much all of the change she has elicited from me has been to make me a better person. She makes a lot of people better. Her siblings have had to learn patience (we’ve all had to learn patience!) and empathy. They have grown up knowing that not everyone is born with the simple things they take for granted every day. Like the ability to talk or to walk by a shelf at the store without having to straighten it or to not have to cover their ears while the bathtub fills up.
Maybe it’s not entirely accurate to say that she makes people better so much that she brings out the better nature of people. I once watched my normally very boisterous mother, on a visit from out of state, hold perfectly still as my daughter cautiously approached her and touched her arm while making eye contact the entire time (eye contact is unusual for my daughter). My mother spoke so quietly, it was barely above a whisper, “I don’t want to move, I’m worried I’ll scare her off!” It warmed my heart to see my mother change her entire demeanor for that moment of connection.
My daughter has brought out something lovely in people at the grocery store, with her therapists, with people at church, with friends and even with her doctor and dentist. Many people who meet her or interact with her are somebody different around her. Somebody kinder and with more patience. We were once at a store and my daughter was making odd, repetitive noises very loudly (stimming). A woman turned around with a very annoyed look on her face until she laid eyes on the source of all the ruckus. Seeing my daughter, that woman’s annoyed facial expression transformed into amused understanding. It was that instantaneous!
Though, I won’t pretend she brings out something lovely in everybody. She has brought out the ugly too. My daughter has become a very good gauge for whether or not someone is good peoples. I know that as a Christian, I need to have a more forgiving heart. But suffice it to say, my heart has grown very big for the people who have been good to my child (and some of those people were big surprises for me!) and my heart has grown very cold towards those who are not. However, because of the circumstances, I am acutely aware of this coldness in my heart and, therefore, know it is something I need to work on. It’s yet another way she is making me better.
In fact, for all the utilitarians out there in the comments who claimed that the disabled don’t do anything for society–that’s what they do for society. They make people around them better. Or show us who the jerks are (such as utilitarians).
One time, when I was on the phone worrying about what kind of life my daughter was going to have with all her quirks and challenges, my dad asked me, “Is she happy?” Without hesitation, I was able to answer, “Yes.”
Despite all of my daughter’s challenges, she is happy. I think, because she doesn’t know that she is “imperfect.” She doesn’t know she is “disabled” and there are people lobbying for the right to kill people like her because they think she and others like her wouldn’t want to live. Even though she is 300% happier than those people could ever imagine being.
“She wouldn’t be killed, she’s already been born,” some might say. She wouldn’t be killed for now. But I don’t trust that the dehumanization of the unborn disabled won’t eventually work its way out of the womb. If you look throughout history and around the world today, the disabled are and have always been a persecuted and endangered group. If we don’t acknowledge their humanity and protect their dignity from the very start, what’s to stop people from moving the parameters of when it’s okay to terminate them? A genetic test points to a baby having Downs Syndrome while in utero and the parents decide they aren’t equipped to deal with such a child so they abort it. But a couple with a child with profound autism might not get a diagnosis until 18 months or two years. What if they feel they aren’t equipped to deal with a child with such a difficult diagnosis? Today, most people would recommend adoption, an excellent solution to the problem. But wouldn’t that be an excellent solution for the Downs Syndrome baby as well? The only difference is the timing of the diagnosis.
In the future, following the reasoning of why aborting disabled children in the womb is considered acceptable, aborting disabled children outside the womb might become acceptable as well. In that it isn’t fair that some disabilities are obvious in the womb and some disabilities don’t show up until after birth.
And what about a child who becomes disabled in a car accident? Or being thrown from a horse? What if the parents aren’t equipped to deal with those disabilities?
All questions we should discuss while we’re talking about conditions that are “objectively shitty from a health perspective” and therefore can become terminal at the parents’ behest.
My daughter has dignity and infinite value because she is a human being. Whether or not she is able to live independently or hold a job or do any of the things some people think you need to do to qualify as human does not diminish her dignity, value or humanity at all. She came along and messed up all of our plans. But, now we have new and better plans. We are new and better people because of her.
Our life with her can be difficult and is filled with challenges. Sometimes, there are so many challenges! But they are infinitely worth it! She is infinitely worth it because she is our daughter and has taught us a new definition for “perfect.”
I am sad for this Youtube couple because I am told by my young adult daughter they had over 4 million followers. Imagine the good they could have done by having their “imperfect” baby and had let all of their subscribers follow along as they unlocked that special needs code that is available to only the chosen few. Imagine the humanizing and affection for babies with Downs Syndrome that would have taken place as their followers watched their precious “little nugget” (the nickname they had for him before the diagnosis) grow up. Imagine the support from 4 million people as they faced the challenges and the cheering from 4 million people as they reached milestones. (In the world of special needs, even the simplest milestone can be the cause of great celebration!).
Imagine if they‘d truly meant it when they “signed on to be a parent, come what may.” Imagine if they hadn’t killed their little blessing.
0 Comments